Authority to the Airgunning World

Where instigating argumentative debates and stepping on egos are the rule.

Monday, June 18, 2007

I finally did it! I've acquired the official AAFTA profiling and suggested qualifications summary. This is a rare find people. Feast your eyes on this juicy piece of "behind-the-scenes" material:


1. Anglo-Saxons are encouraged to compete. Minorities can participate, but are looked down on. We've had to change our policies in recent times to appeal to a wider audience and local ordinances, but don't make this obvious.

2. It is encouraged that the competitors are of the same body type. We have discovered that obese males make the best competitors in the states. They also like to spend vast amounts on money on useless airgun gear.

3. Middle aged to elderly males and encouraged to compete. They have nothing else to live for, so let's give them something to talk about. This also drives everyone around them crazy, but the benefactors are only sticking around for their money anyway.

Suggested Qualifications to participant's handed down by the rangemaster:

1. You must have a minimum $2,500+ rig to enter. Although you probably will shoot terribly due to the gun resting on your gut, pictures taken from the match with a super expensive gun make you look serious about the sport.
2. To promote the US superiority, we encourage you to purchase a Mac-1 USFT gun. We realize the US is dead last in scoring when it comes to the world FT, but we have to focus on something positive to keep the unobtainable dream alive.
3. You will need to come up with 10 excuses why you couldn't hit the target for the day. Excuses are important since you might be interviewed by the press after the meet. After all, what is more important in life than winning the FT nationals in the US? We can't think of any. Examples such as, "The wind wasn't blowing in my favor" or "The gun didn't want to group that day" are popular choices.
So there you have it folks. The framework to build a successful, lucrative career is at your fingertips. What are you waiting for? Make the obvious choice and become something to be proud of today!

Ironically, when I was pondering that it couldn't get any worse, I see this:

FT winners need your help!

I'd like to take those $2 plaques and beat them over the head with them. Put a time limit on their game and they wouldn't know what to do with themselves.